July 31, 2007

So I don't think much has happened lately. This past weekend, I just played it bum and didn't do much. For the past let's say 2 weeks my project has hit a roadblock. I'm getting a bunch of errors for running my jobs. So most of it has been a problem with the servers, making it extremely frustrating. Sometimes I feel like giving-up. When looking back at those feelings about giving-up, every time I am ashamed of myself as this is something I should feel. I have disgraced myself and my Father in so many ways, that this is just another example of how much growth I need and how far I am behind in my Walk. Anyways, things today and yesterday are starting to work. I basically just gave up using the PRAGMA grid and just started using the slower CNIC clusters. HAHA I feel dealing with UCSD after my recent experience with ACS and them shutting down my VPN access (cutting my off from my server) that dealing with some entity halfway across the globe is really troublesome. Later on I plan to continue to us the PRAGMA grid, but I feel that I should deal with one problem at a time. haha So right now I'm running my jobs, and I feel there's not much to do. I have a VTC tomorrow. eh.... I think that's it for work.

On with my growth here. I guess there has been quite a bit. Looking back at my past conflicts with people and the lessons that I've learned, I noticed that I have truly grown in many ways. Like I finally recognize the enormous pride that I must downsize and become more humble. Also, before whenever I saw someone acting what I would call "stupid", which I see many times, I would usually butt into other people's business and just make my life more difficult, but now I don't do that I feel. Well I don't do it as much as least. haha Ummm.... Oh being here in China, I am constantly reminded how blessed I am with everything that I have been given. For example, before I would think living in a double would be really difficult. After seeing how little people have to live with here in China, with many college students having to easily cram at least 4 people in one room with no privacy, I see how much I have been given. So to tackle this observation I've made, I have challenged myself next year by changing from a single to double and now a triple in one room. I think it's an experience that I require in my growth to remind me how much I've been given. Furthermore, before I guess I've always spent money pretty freely with some self-conscious constraints, but now I have noticed how frivolously I have been with money and how much I have been blessed with the ability to support myself. So now I plan to be more charitable and not be so careless with my money. So guess that's it for that.

On another note about how much I've been blessed with, I came around someone else's blog recently as linked here. After reading this, I now see how we as a nation have strayed so far from what we have embodied. A country of the free? I think not now. Many of us in the U.S. feel that our government exercises too much military will without enough discretion, but I even now see how we have strayed from a country built upon a mosaic of people through immigration. It seems that we selectively choose people immorally who can come and become and American citizen. Is it that much of a privilege? Should one be examined like an animal to be seen as a "desirable" or "defective"? This all goes back to the movie Gattaca, where we are much like a eugenic society. Who are we to to decide if one is flawed? I feel that we acting as if we are God when we have no place to do so. So therefore, I think we should reform and change our views of people that are "foreign" and embrace as brothers and sisters despite anyone's flaws.

Oh so spiritually I feel that I have suddenly been reminded about how much more I need to grow. Like I feel that I was in a way content with myself. But again I am ashamed, for I always have room to grow. For me, I think there's an exceptional room for growth. Anyways, so now I'm reading more of the scriptures, and with every verse I read, I gain ever so much more wisdom. I guess that doesn't make sense, but I'm too lazy to fix that. haha

Finished my books. I finished 2 series of books. haha Wow I read a lot now. Ummmm... Dealt with freaking Citibank about my credit cards. Trying to get my prescription medicine from U.S. here. And that's about it! Woot woot!